Dear Twilight, Dark Night, and Lost Boys Directors,
You did not properly equip my knowledge of what a bat cave would be like based on your movie. There was no Christian Bale, nor super hot abs, nor mysterious hot cars. In fact, it may have been the scariest thing I have ever done. As the group of 20+ trecked our way through the cave I realized I had a lot to be grateful for.
Grateful example #1- movies have not developed the 4D smell, because let me tell you I have never smelled anything worse in my life.
When I was young about 3-6 my parents took me on an excursion to a place that had a crack to the center of the earth. My mom told me that is what hell smelled like (sulfur) and I can promise you I was a very good child the rest of the day. If my mom could have shown me the bat cave (that reeked of bat crap that seriously people spend a lavish amount of money on to beautify their face-gross gross gross) I think I would have been a good kid my whole life. Nothing smells that bad.
I will try and post a video so that you can hear the flaps and screeches of their bat wings. The dark caves were lit only by our flashlights and headlamps. When we felt drops on our heads we weren’t sure if they were coming from the cave ceiling or if maybe a bat was sprinkling us with their pee!!
Our native leaders were able to point out red tarantulas, spiders bigger than my head, and of course scorpions. What really scared me was simply that any of this creepy crawlies could be anywhere, but there was only enough light to place one foot in front of the other.
Before we entered the cave, I knew I would fall. I did not however, plan to fall on such a lush bat crap location. There was a small tunnel that we had to straddle, and unfortunately I tumbled in. I don’t think I will ever be the same. Getting out of the bat cave and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel really gave the phrase a whole new meaning.
Overall I’m really glad I experienced something so scary, so unknown. However I have absolutely no desire to do it again.
We went through some more caves and came to a 30-40 foot steep cave wall. Our guides said that could be a way out. One by one we attempted to climb the wall with only our body strength. I always imagined that I would climb cave walls, but I also imagined the security of a bungee cord or something. As I made my way half up the wall, I made the mistake of looking down. There was nothing there to catch me, just sharp rocks to break my fall. There was no choice but to go up. I was stuck for a few moments deciding where to place my hands and feet, afraid to touch cobwebs and other dirty things, but I had no choice. Suddenly I was at the top. And I guess that was another example about life, sometimes you get to a point and you can’t get back down, you pushed yourself too high. You have to reach out to things around you, things you are afraid to touch or trust; but soon enough if you trust yourself you can make it to the top.
As we climbed out of the last caves, it started to pour. I wish I could have captured the beauty of the tropical forest. Even the spiders in the trees seemed more peaceful in the rain. The site will be something I remember for the rest of my life.
By the end of the day I had seen the infamous penis cave, creepy crawlers, dogs violating each other over and over, bats, caves, very sharp rocks, burial grounds, ladders that reminded me of Indiana Jones Adventure and the most beautiful purity of life, nature.
Who knows, maybe one day I will actually learn to like this stuff; It could happen
Thanks for reading,